Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Matt and Crank explain "female skills"

Note: The Critic's Page has experienced some technical difficulties uploading audio to You Tube.  The audio is of poor quality, but listenable.  We're working on resolving the technical difficulties and hope to have better quality audio posted in the future.

On their show on 02 Feb, Matt and Crank spent over twenty minutes during the course of three consecutive segments lamenting the loss of "female skills." 

"What are 'female skills'?" you may ask. 

Prior to listening to the show, this critic never gave the concept of "female skills" much thought.  After listening to the show and learning "female skills" are cooking and cleaning, this critic had to check the calendar to ensure it was still 2011 and not 1911.

Because of the length of the discussion of "female skills" exceeding You Tube requirements, the critique of the show is divided into three segments to correspond with the appropriate You Tube segment.

Part I

In this segment, listeners are treated to a rare (emphasis on very rare)  glimpse of Matt and Crank's real talent as entertainers.  They put together a 1952 training video, "How to train your woman."  If a listener weren't paying attention, one might believe it was a real training video from that era.  It was funny and certainly made one shake their head in disbelief that people actually held onto that level of mentality at one time.

Unfortunately, the commentary sandwiching the training video clip reiterated the 1950's mentality and attitudes towards women.  A woman's purpose in life is to cook and clean and if they abandon those "female skills", who's going to do the cooking and cleaning?

Yes, the only truly funny and talented part of this first half of the segment was the training video.  Listeners could've have been spared the rest of the banal and archaic commentary that only served to reinforce the old notion that a woman's place is at home, cooking and cleaning.

Part I cont

Just when you think that one couldn't stuff their foot any further in their mouth, Matt and Crank come along and show they can swallow the whole thing.  Like any good little boy from the city, Matt apparently believes Delmarva residents live in the mentality of Aunt Bea's Mayberry era.  He should do a little research and learn the traditional role of the women of Delmarva was to shuck oysters, shell crabs, harvest the crops, and skin muskrats in addition to running the household.

Our grandfathers, and great-grandfathers possessed something that has long since been lost by today's youth, particularly today's suburbanite, middle-class boys masquerading as today's men.  Our grandfathers and great-grandfathers started driving tractors as soon as their feet could reach the pedals or started manning fishing boats as soon as they were tall enough to see over the helm.  Unless they were in school, they worked from sun up until sun down.  After sunset or after school, they tended to the animals, mended fences, repaired or cleaned out the barn, fixed things around the house and other chores as needed.  On slow nights in the off-season, they may have had time to catch an hour show on the radio or television.

With their male skills firmly ingrained at a young age, men of our grandfather or great-grandfather's day graduated high school and served their country for two or four years.  Real men didn't graduate high school and run off to college to sponge off their parents for four more years so they could party and enjoy wet tee shirt contests as part of their "education."  When the real men of that generation returned home, they were back in the fields or on the water from sun up until sun down.  If they weren't a farmer or waterman, they dedicated their career to one company and filled in their off hours with part time jobs so they could provide more for their family than their parents could provide for them.  They didn't whine and complain about the work or pay and no job was beneath them.  Work was an honest day's pay even if the job were shoveling chicken crap out of a farmer's coop.

Real men of that generation worked sixty, ninety hours a week with only an occasional weekend off and rarely a week or longer vacation.  They knew they were raising sons who would mature into real men and when they were too old to work, their sons would take care of them instead of shuffling them off to a nursing home. 

Women were treated with respect.  Real men would say, "Excuse me, Miss", not "Yo babe, looking hot."  Available women were referred to as young ladies, not girls, babes or chicks.  Real men took their hats off in the presence of a lady, opened doors for them, and offered to carry heavy loads for them.

Real men relied on their wives to cook, clean, sew, and raise the kids.  They relied on them to tend to the vegetable garden because real men understood vegetables didn't grow in cellophane at the local supermarket and they relied on their wives to shuck, shell, or clean their catch or hunt so that the real man would have time to catch or hunt more that he could sell on the open market to be able to better provide for his family.  The wife wasn't his "old lady."  She was his equal partner who helped the real man succeed by taking care of everything around the house so he could work those twelve, sixteen hours a day, seven days a week to provide for his family.  The real man provided for his family and didn't need his wife to work an outside job to help him make ends meet.

If today's women have lost their "female skills", perhaps they loss them because men have lost their "male skills" a long time ago.  Fixing things around the house doesn't mean you know how to call a good roofer, electrician, or plumber.  Maintence work and repair on your car doesn't mean drinking a beer or two with your buddies at the local titty bar while the kids at Jiffy Lube work on your car.  Weekends weren't made for beer and football.  They were made for work so a real man's wife could stay home and take care of the house and kids instead of working to make sure the electric and gas bill gets paid.  The loss of "female skills" is called adapting to the failures of today's "man".

Here's a thought.  Maybe Matt and Crank should do what they should've done when they first graduated high school - visit their local recruiting office and learn what it is to be a real man.  See, a real man desires to come home to a wife, not a servant.  And a real man wouldn't end a fifteen minute rant on the proper role of a woman with a song called "Porn Star Dancing." 

Interestingly, Matt admits to making a second, 1950's PSA concerning race relations, but he deleted it because if they aired it, they surely would've been fired.  They should've used the same judgement with this highly sexist segment Delmarva listeners were subjected to.  Apparently, Matt and Crank are scared to death of Black people, but have no problem verbally bullying women.

Part II and III

After the commercial break, the rant continues.  Listeners learn that Moms are to blame for the loss of "female skills" in today's generation of women.  Wow!  Matt and Crank go after two generations of women to make the point of what failures they are, as women, for - get this - going against their biology and shunning their "female skills". 

Stop the presses!  Women are born with the innate desire to cook and clean.  Through a roughly eighteen minute rant, Matt and Crank disproved every anthropologists' claim.  Neandrathals didn't die out.  They are alive and well and prosper among us.  We can't blame Matt and Crank's Moms and Dads for not raising real men.  Matt and Crank are only expressing their innate thoughts.

In Part III, Matt and Crank confront a local report, Innae Park, with their lament of the loss of "female skills."  It's worth listening to Ms. Park's professionalism in handling the confrontation.  And one just has to love Matt's claim that male complaints aren't as bad as female complaints.  His reasoning is that men don't go on and on for forty minutes complaining about something.  No, they (or at least Matt and Crank) only take roughly twenty minutes to complain about something.  Their complaint about the loss of "female skills" would probably have gone on for another twenty minutes, at least, if air time permitted.

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