Monday, March 31, 2014

A couple of weeks of twilight zone shake ups

By sheer coincidence - we're sure - after publishing our last review on Friday night (technically Saturday morning) two weekends ago, the following Monday Captain Blue and Doug McKenzie were conspicuously absent.  News of their whereabouts strangely silent.

Neither DJ works at WZBH or Great Scott Broadcasting.  We have not been able to get the scoop on Doug.  He's simply disappeared. 

Captain Blue, however, is apparently taking his band, Captain Blue's Grass Band, on tour.  One of these days, maybe we'll catch his show.

We'll miss both of them, but wish them well on their new endeavors.  Both were true class acts on the radio.  We're positive that their new paths will be rewarding ones.  If we had known they were leaving, we would've offered a farewell review instead of the one they got. 

We tuned The Worst Show Ever in this morning.  To our surprise, only Sarah showed up for work.  We only listened for about an hour but gathered that Crank wouldn't be returning until Wednesday.  No word on where Ian is or when he's coming back.  Sarah supposedly was airing "the best of The Worst Show Ever" clips, but we heard no clips in the hour we listened. 

Please tell us Ian is coming back and Crank has mysteriously disappeared for good then everything will be right in the world.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

See? We haven't been sleeping on the job

Wow, we can't believe it's been two months since our last review.  Hopefully, we'll make it up to you in this review chocked full of commentary.

WZBH website

C'mon guys, update your dang website.  How are we supposed to know anything about the two new guys or even how to spell their names?  A company that can't keep their website up-to-date is a company that runs a slip shod operation.  Slip shod operations might explain why, on the sister station Big Classic Rock, Alice's show repeatedly gets interrupted mid-song for station identification and definitely explains why Crank not only is still on the air, but is also operations manager.  Really?  Operations manager?  Get operating on your dang website and while you're at it, fix the interruptions going on over at your sister station.  Two of us critics really like Alice's show.

The Worst Show Ever

Since our last, not-so-favorable review, we have learned that the new guy on the morning show is not Phoebus' older brother and his name is Ian McKay.  We didn't like Ian, thinking he was nothing more than Phoebus' older brother.  We're pretty sure we got the tin foil hat description of him right, but the two women in our group were insistent we three guys should give Ian a chance.

See, the two women are infatuated with his laid back, baritone voice.  Quietly sexy as they put it.  Of course us three guys immediately took a dislike to Ian because, well, we're guys who don't have sexy, laid back baritone voices.

Us three guys still don't like Ian, but that's along the same reasoning that the two women don't like Sarah.  Just as Sarah is a threat to them, Ian is a threat to us.  Childish, we know, but that's what beer and wine does to you.

Just as the two women like Sarah when they aren't sipping their wine and are listening to her sober, us three guys are finding Ian to be rather funny, in a laid back sort of way, when we aren't drinking our beer and are listening to him sober.

His greatest talent is making Crank squirm in his seat.  At least twice, Ian managed to challenge Crank's position with simple questions and Crank audibly became agitated.  Crank's voice upped a half pitch higher and his words spoken per minute increased by a third.  Ever hear a Chihuahua bark at some random noise and then when that random noise becomes a threat, the Chihuahua starts barking real fast at a high pitch?  That was Crank's response to Ian.  One could visibly see Crank squirming in his seat.  That's a pretty talented feat for a radio jock to accomplish for his listeners.

We're going to be bold and make a programming suggestion.  Scrap the "friend or foe" segment.  The "friend or foe" segment is a left over from the Matt Walsh days when anything spoken had to be a let's-hate-it or let's-make-fun-of-it style of programming.  Replace the segment with a "make Crank squirm" segment.  Ian and Sarah can start Crank squirming, callers can add to it, and the listener who correctly predicted Crank's word speed and pitch before the segment began would win twenty crazy bucks to Louie's Pawn Shop.

Oh, heck.  The business, cost saving side of us says fire Crank and replace him with a tape of a yapping Chihuahua.  The show would be more entertaining.

Captain Blue

We've always been neutral towards Captain Blue, but he really got to us these last couple of weeks when we listened to more than just a few minutes of his show at a time.  He does a segment called "question of the day" and he tells listeners why his question is the question of the day in a few.  Innocuous enough.  An hour later, we still don't know why its the question of the day.  Then he builds suspense as if he is going to tell you, only to say he'll tell you "after this", which is either a commercial break or another song.

None of us watch reality shows like American Idol or Master Chef  because we can't stand the fake suspense at the end.  You know what we're talking about.  

"...And the person going home tonight is..." and then there's a long pause

"...Stay tuned and find out after the break." 

Captain Blue builds the same fake suspense as the folks over on the reality shows build.  The tactic is not suspenseful nor entertaining.  It is annoying.  Lately, we all have found ourselves switching stations or listening to a CD when Captain Blue comes on.  We do like his food segment at lunch time, but his fake suspense isn't worth suffering through until he gets us to the food segment.

Doug McKenzie

A funny thing happened to two of our critics a couple of times in the past two weeks of listening.  Leaving Crisfield and heading to Pokomoke, Doug would give us a segment equivalent to a dumbass report.  Almost two hours later, leaving Salisbury heading to Cambridge, we heard the same report, almost word-for-word.  Either the Crisfield-Pokomoke-Salisbury triangle is some sort of worm hole that allowed us to listen to Doug's show two hours ahead of time or Doug is reading, almost verbatim, from a script. 

We seriously doubt there is some sort of worm hole or time warp in the area.  Needless to say, we are greatly disappointed in Doug.  We've always held Doug in high regard as a professional.  He still is professional, but, apparently, for only two hours at a time before he has to start repeating himself. 


If someone at Great Scott Broadcasting (specifically the operations manager, remember him?) would do their job and update the WZBH website, we would know for certain who hosts the seven at night time slot. 

A couple of times, we have listened to the first hour and we think the DJ may have said his name was Tyler.  One thing we do know: you probably have a good host when the host doesn't feel a need to tell his listeners who he is.

Tyler, if that is his name, did something we thought was a lost art among DJs - he talked about the music and the music groups.  The first time we listened, he talked about the music three different times in one hour.  If only more DJs, not only at WZBH, but across the radio dial, would follow suit....

None of us really listen to radio past six in the evening, but we all agree Tyler is someone to listen to when we do tune in at night.


Spera is the DJ after midnight that none of us have listened to.  With the surprise we found in Tyler, perhaps one of us should make it a point to stay up late and listen.  The programming style at WZBH appears to be start the day off with the worst programming and progressively get better as the day wears on.  Tyler's show is the best programming we've heard.  If our observation is correct, Spera should be a star.

On the other hand, he could be the worst, even worse than Crank, since the day technically begins at midnight.

None of us five are so old that we can't stay up past midnight on a work night and listen.  If you have stayed up and listened to Spera's show, please let us know. 

Editor's note

Yes, the Five Drunk Rednecks have been sleeping on the job else they would've known Spera left WZBH last month.  Then again, if the operations manager were doing his job, the WZBH website would have been updated to reflect the program changes.