Saturday, July 20, 2013

We're probably going to jail

Note to our readers:  The letter below is NOT a review of WZBH programming.  We posted it here for three reasons.  First, the letter is too long to send through the White House contact page, but we did provide them as much of the letter as their character limit allowed with a link to here for them to finish reading the letter.  Second, we hope fans of our critics page will help make this letter go viral just in case the President doesn't really care what five, White rednecks have to say, but would be forced to listen if enough other people made it a concern.  Third, we wanted to show the targets of our normal reviews at WZBH that we're equal opportunity critics.  We don't just pick on WZBH.

Dear President Obama: 

In response to your press conference today regarding the George Zimmerman case, you are correct - we all need to do some soul searching, but not by the side of the coin you implied during your press conference.  Let me suggest the following:

  1. The executive branch (that's currently you and your administration) and the legislative branch (that's Congress) have no business sticking their noses in most state issues.  The Zimmerman case was one such issue.  The Justin Carter case in Texas is an example of where the federal government did have reason to voice an opinion on a state issue, but chose not to.  In that case, a teen in Texas posted a sarcastic joke that a Canadian reported to authorities and the Texas teen was promptly arrested and spent five months in jail until just recently when an anonymous benefactor posted bail for him.  He still faces up to ten years for his joke he posted online.  Whenever a complaint from a person in a foreign country can get an American citizen arrested for what he posted on the Internet, that should be of federal concern and should warrant a press conference.  I suppose since Justin Carter is a White boy, his civil rights and free speech rights aren't worth protecting in the eyes of our federal government.  Perhaps you, and every member of Congress, should read the Constitution and learn why you, every member of Congress, and every American, should be concerned, and even outraged, about how easy it is for a citizen of another country to get an American citizen arrested.
  2. In light of the fact that Justin Carter, the good ol' White boy from Texas, is facing a possible ten-year jail term for his bad joke authorities have labeled as "terroristic threatening", why did you not talk about the New Black Panthers leader's public and Internet "terroristic threatening" of "declaration of war" against "Whitey's neighborhoods"?  Why are you nor anyone in Congress outraged at the double standard of justice being applied to the New Black Panthers leader that gives him a free pass to threaten in all seriousness, but the teen in Texas gets thrown in jail for posting a bad joke?
  3. While most Americans of all races and ethnicities understand the injustices all minorities in this country have suffered throughout our history and the historical basis for racial sensitivities today, one thing we all should have learned is not to make the same racist mistakes our fathers, grandfathers, and great-grandfathers have made, yet you, many in Congress, outspoken community leaders and media personalities are repeating the same mistakes made generations ago.  Let me enumerate those mistakes for you:
    1. Whether or not George Zimmerman is a racist, the actions of one person is not reflective of an entire race of people.  Your press conference only confirms to many people that yes, the actions of one is reflective of the attitude of many.  Remember when we were taught that not all Black people eat watermelon and play basketball?  Not all Black people are promiscuous coke addicts?  Not all Black people live off of welfare and foodstamps?  Not all White people are racist or harbor racist attitudes, either.  To imply otherwise, as you did today and many others have been doing everyday since the Zimmerman verdict, is a racist attitude.  Period.
    2. To the best of my knowledge, Hispanics in this country never owned slaves, never joined the KKK lynch mobs, nor ever enacted the Jim Crow laws, yet, somehow the actions of an Hispanic-American citizen is generalized to the White-American citizens as an example of the racism that still exists in the this country.  Sorry.  Ask any White person if George Zimmerman is White, and they'll tell you, no, he's Hispanic.  Remember when we were taught that not all Black people look the same?  Apparently, to Black people, anyone who is lighter skinned than themselves is White because all White people look the same.  When you, many in Congress, and many leaders in the media spotlight point to a person of an ethnic minority and imply or claim that person is representative of the racism of White people, that in itself is racism.  Period.
    3. When a complaint from a citizen in another country lands an American in jail because he made a tasteless joke, an American who happens to be White, and you, no one in your administration, no one in Congress, and no one in the media spotlight - all who have expressed concern or outrage over the Zimmerman case - expresses concern or outrage over the violation of the teen's civil and free speech rights in Texas, one can only conclude that the silence stems from racism against White Americans.  Either that or you, your administration, members of Congress, and those who are always in the media spotlight don't really care what our Constitution says and what it stands for.  Take your pick.  Either way, you and everyone else standing in concern or outrage over the Zimmerman case end up looking like hypocrites, at best.  Racists, at worst.

Today, you encouraged America, and implied you meant White America, to do some soul searching.  I agree.  You, members of Congress, and the media spotlight grabbers need to do some serious soul searching.  In this country (again, read our Constitution), one is innocent until proven guilty.  The law failed to prove Zimmerman guilty of murder or manslaughter.  For anyone to imply that racism factored into the law's inability to prove guilt is only a reflection of the racist attitudes one holds within him/herself, not a reflection of racism in White America, in general.



A concerned citizen who doesn't want the FBI knocking on his door for expressing his opinion, no matter how poorly done, just like what landed Justin Carter in jail.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Sarah and her Pom-Pom Boys

All week we've heard Sarah's little blurb promoting The Worst Show Ever.  It goes something along the lines of Crank, who some people confuse with Frank, and Phoebus, who some people confuse with Phobic or some such.  Sarah, well it's really hard to confuse Sarah.

How about Tara, Mara, Cara, Farah, or our favorite, Coffee Girl?  C'mon, Sarah.  At least us three guys are rooting for you (the two women in our group are jealous).  It's time to take the reigns of the show and demonstrate to the two little boys what intelligent and funny, combined, means.  Tell you what, Sarah.  You take control of the show, like you were born to do, and us three guys will come down there and force Phoebus and Crank to don cheerleader outfits to rah-rah you on.  Then we'll post the video on YouTube headlined as "Sarah's Best Show Ever with her Pom Pom Boys.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Crank and Phoebus are gay

A few days ago, we reviewed The Worst Show Ever hosted by Crank and Phoebus. Sarah had the day off. 

 On that show, Crank had to have reassurance from Phoebus that straight pe...ople don't publically flaunt their sexuality before launching into a story about his experience at a mall. Phoebus agreed that straight people don't publically flaunt their sexuality and we were regaled with a tale of a mall full of gay people all talking about having sex with each other. The short quip bordered on disgust on Crank's part.

If straight people don't publically flaunt their sexuality, then why did Phoebus offer to help Crank have sex with his wife this morning? Yup, that's right. We were "entertained" with Crank's desire to have more rhythm to make a baby and Phoebus offered to grab his ass and push to get the rhythm going.

If we are to believe Crank and Phoebus from the other day that only gay people flaunt their sexuality in public, then I guess we can conclude Crank and Phoebus are gay.

Friday, July 5, 2013

A pretend dysfunctional family needs drastic intervention

We're all partying for the Fourth of July because, well, it's an excuse to party. It's not like our freedom really means much anymore, but it's still a good excuse to get drunk.

Listening to The Worst Show Ever this week, we have, after a few, ok, quite a few beers tonight, arrived at a conclusion of what really lacks in the morning show. One word: family.

"What?" you ask.  

 The answer is simple. Successful morning show hosts come across as better than best friends. They come across as being a family. Crank, Phoebus, and Sarah come across as being complete strangers pretending to be a dysfunctional family.

 Crank is the controlling, alpha-male. He didn't get the alpha-male position by virtue of earning it. He got it by being there much longer than either Sarah or Phoebus. When Phoebus and Sarah came on the scene, they deferred to Crank's seniority.

As listeners to the show, we'll set a few facts straight.

Crank is a no-talent. He is not humorous nor does he give insightful views to today's issues. His only talent is to take extreme stories and try to paint them as average stories. He is incapable of taking the extreme story and making fun of it. He is only capable of taking an extreme story and asking why our society has devolved so much as if the extreme is the norm.

Phoebus is immature. His talent is growing and The Worst Show Ever is a good venue for the development of his talent. Unfortunately, he forgets he is performing for everyone and not just the listeners who think like he does. After about another ten years of experience, real life experience (and not radio experience), he might actually be funny. Sadly, he is stuck with the radio experience and what he learns from Google and will never be able to relate his humor to real people. He needs to take a sabbatical to gain some real life experience.

Sarah is stuck as the coffee girl. She makes some really funny comments that go unnoticed by the male dominated show and, obviously, from the male dominated WZBH station.

The Worst Show Ever is controlled by Crank. He speaks 90% of the time. Phoebus speaks 9.9% of the time. Sarah speaks one or two sentences here and there.

Here's where the dysfunctional "family" comes in. Crank yaps around like a little Chihuahua and there's nothing funny about a Chihuahua other than how annoying they are. Phoebus and Sarah defer to the chihuahua's seniority at the station and play along. They let the little guy with a big bark rule how the show will proceed.

Our conclusion: Crank needs to be fired. Phoebus needs to quit and gain real life experience outside of the microphone. Sarah needs to take over The Worst Show Ever.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Why do straight people have to flaunt their sexuality?

Yesterday morning, Crank asked the question, "Do heterosexual people flaunt their sexuality?"  Phoebus answered no.  Sarah was silent because she wasn't there.

Once Crank had agreement that straight people don't flaunt their sexuality in public, he launched into a tale of his experience at the mall.   Gay people were everywhere and they all were openly talking about having sex with each other.  The experience wasn't one gay couple in one store.  "Every" store had gay people shopping and talking about sex.

We don't know which mall Crank went to that was crawling with gay people, but we can say that not one of the five of us even remotely experienced what Crank claimed he experienced.  We're not just talking about the Salisbury mall, either.  Between all of us and all the places we've been, we're talking about the Salisbury Mall, at least three different malls in Baltimore, the mall in Dover, a mall in Chester, PA, a couple of malls in Denver, CO and several malls in Phoenix, AZ.  We're also talking experience from two of us who are old enough to be Crank's Dad and experience of three of us who are old enough to be Crank's Mom or Dad if they started a family at a young age.  Still, not one of us can relate any experience even remotely similar to the mall experience Crank described - ever in our entire lives. 

Heck, remember when we all went to a few gay bars in Baltimore to see who had the most gay sex appeal - Crank, JJ, or Sarah?  (Crank unofficially won in the gay leather bar, by the way.)  Even there we did not hear or experience the kind of scene Crank described at his mall. 

On the other hand, we can relate a few stories where we witnessed a couple, usually a young man and young woman, who, by their actions, made us wonder if all the local motels were booked and they had nowhere else to go but the mall.

We wrote Crank's tale off as a fisherman's tale with a homophobic twist and we wouldn't have expected anything less from him when talking about gay people.  Like the fisherman who is prone to extreme exaggeration to make him look like a real fisherman, Crank is prone to extreme exaggeration, almost to the point of lying, not that there's really a difference between extreme exaggeration and lying, to make it appear gay people are oversexed perverts with no public couth.  Our guess is, through his eyes that view the world around him in stereotypes, he saw two people who "looked" gay to him, thought he heard something said that had sexual undertones, and we got the story that the mall was filled with gay people who could only talk about sex.

Thank God straight people don't flaunt their sexuality publically the way all those gay people at the mall flaunted theirs, huh?  That's what Crank and Phoebus told us yesterday morning.  Then why, this morning, were we entertained with Crank's method for getting his wife in the mood while Sarah and Phoebus jumped in with their sexual innuendos to bolster the story along.  Can you spell h-y-p-o-c-r-i-t-s?

After three years, we have never heard Crank, nor any DJ, talk respectfully about gay people, whether JJ has to remind us his comment isn't "homo or anything" (yes, JJ, we caught a bit of your show where you made the comment, again, but chose not to review it) or Crank regales us with his mall tale or talks about "furrier people".  (If you recall, even though Crank's "furrier" story was about people who think they are an animal, he chose a gay couple to illustrate how weird "furrier people" are.  Do the math.  If gay people make up 3% of the population and "furrier" people make up less than 1% of the population, then Crank should've picked a heterosexual couple to accurately portray the average "furrier" person and not the only gay "furrier" person in the country to illustrate the point.)  Crank has taken a more subtle, albeit less frequent, route to denigrate gay people, but the fact remains - gay people are fair targets for stereotyped bashing. 

Neither WZBH nor Crank ever apologized for that particularly offensive gay-, race-, and women-bashing show back on August 19, 2010 that motivated us to launch this blog.  While the homophobia, racism, and sexism is greatly toned down and less frequent from the days of Matt and Crank three years ago, it is all still there.  Women take a backseat to the men and that's how Sarah became the coffee girl on the show and gay people are oversexed, weird perverts and that's why not one DJ ever talks favorably or at least respectably about gay people.  The only positive observation is that racism appears to have disappeared from the regular lineup.