Friday, July 5, 2013

A pretend dysfunctional family needs drastic intervention

We're all partying for the Fourth of July because, well, it's an excuse to party. It's not like our freedom really means much anymore, but it's still a good excuse to get drunk.

Listening to The Worst Show Ever this week, we have, after a few, ok, quite a few beers tonight, arrived at a conclusion of what really lacks in the morning show. One word: family.

"What?" you ask.  

 The answer is simple. Successful morning show hosts come across as better than best friends. They come across as being a family. Crank, Phoebus, and Sarah come across as being complete strangers pretending to be a dysfunctional family.

 Crank is the controlling, alpha-male. He didn't get the alpha-male position by virtue of earning it. He got it by being there much longer than either Sarah or Phoebus. When Phoebus and Sarah came on the scene, they deferred to Crank's seniority.

As listeners to the show, we'll set a few facts straight.

Crank is a no-talent. He is not humorous nor does he give insightful views to today's issues. His only talent is to take extreme stories and try to paint them as average stories. He is incapable of taking the extreme story and making fun of it. He is only capable of taking an extreme story and asking why our society has devolved so much as if the extreme is the norm.

Phoebus is immature. His talent is growing and The Worst Show Ever is a good venue for the development of his talent. Unfortunately, he forgets he is performing for everyone and not just the listeners who think like he does. After about another ten years of experience, real life experience (and not radio experience), he might actually be funny. Sadly, he is stuck with the radio experience and what he learns from Google and will never be able to relate his humor to real people. He needs to take a sabbatical to gain some real life experience.

Sarah is stuck as the coffee girl. She makes some really funny comments that go unnoticed by the male dominated show and, obviously, from the male dominated WZBH station.

The Worst Show Ever is controlled by Crank. He speaks 90% of the time. Phoebus speaks 9.9% of the time. Sarah speaks one or two sentences here and there.

Here's where the dysfunctional "family" comes in. Crank yaps around like a little Chihuahua and there's nothing funny about a Chihuahua other than how annoying they are. Phoebus and Sarah defer to the chihuahua's seniority at the station and play along. They let the little guy with a big bark rule how the show will proceed.

Our conclusion: Crank needs to be fired. Phoebus needs to quit and gain real life experience outside of the microphone. Sarah needs to take over The Worst Show Ever.

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