They wasted two segments of their show talking about a gay couple in Kentucky who dared to splash around in a pool together and – gasp – kiss. Sure, they tried to hide their gay bashing by saying if the couple were a straight couple, they’d be offended over the behavior, but admitted that they are more offended because the couple were “two dudes.”
Where it got really twisted and perverted was when Matt claimed he wouldn’t want his children, if he had any, exposed to such disgusting public displays of affection and questioned what sort of perverts would get turned on enough to kiss each other when there are a bunch of “half naked kids running around.”
We, at the Critics Page, have been to our share of public pools, beaches, and swimming holes. We’ve seen plenty of public displays of affection from men and women horsing around, holding hands, and – gasp – kissing. Sure, we all could pick out an instance where we felt the couple should take it to the motel room, but, in general, such public displays of affection happen every day every where and not just at the public pools. How else are our kids going to learn appropriate public behavior between two adults who love each other if they don’t have role models to learn from?
Not one of us have ever seen a bunch of kids running around a pool and thought, “How did these half naked kids get that couple over there turned on enough to hold hands or steal a kiss?” We’ve always seen a bunch of kids running around in their swimwear having a good time. We have to ask. What sort of pervert thinks of kids running around a pool as being half naked?
Matt and Crank believed they were being coy by whitewashing their gay bashing, but their message was clear. Gays don’t belong in public acting like straight couples because they are all pedophiles.
A couple of days later, they try to justify their bigotry by talking about “truth.” The gist of the segment with a philosopher amounted to a discussion of whether being tolerant of others who aren’t on the side of “truth” means we should start accepting their version of “truth”.
Not only did Matt and Crank confuse facts with truth, but so did the philosopher. The philosopher did make one good point that whooshed right over Matt and Crank’s collective heads. The philosopher cautioned that we need to be humble and recognize that what we think is the truth may actually not be the truth. That caution didn’t stop Matt and Crank from making their not so subtle point that their bigotry should be tolerated and accepted because they speak the truth and because they have truth on their side, they shouldn’t be silenced for speaking it. We beg to differ.
Today, Matt and Crank spoke out against same sex marriage. They threw up the usual, predictable conservative Christian smoke screen to make a non-point. But what could one expect from two who were told by their bosses that same sex marriage is a topic they aren’t to talk about, but they figure if they refer to it in Pig Latin, that somehow that fourth-grade language trick lets them off the hook because they are talking about agay arrigemay and not gay marriage?
This, we’re sure, may come as a shock to Matt and Crank, but marriage has been redefined over the centuries – no, thousands of years – and continues to evolve. In this country alone, people didn’t marry out of love until about a hundred years ago. Prior to around 1900, most marriages were performed to enhance one’s (usually the man’s) social and financial status. There’s a reason George Washington didn’t have children with Martha, but all up and down the East Coast, you can see the signs of “George Washington slept here.”
We understand that Matt and Crank are part of a generation that believes the world began around the time they were born so it may come as a surprise to them to learn that the Supreme Court did, in fact, define marriage in 1967, back when at least 16 states still had laws that a White person couldn’t marry a Black person. The Supreme Court decided that marriage was a basic civil right between two consenting adults and a state would have to show a compelling reason to deny that right. It wasn’t until the DOMA Act around 1996 that further refined the 1967 definition to mean “a man and a woman.” The DOMA Act redefined the 1967 definition and, like DOMA's supporters, fails to provide a "compelling reason" to deny marriage to a same sex couple.
Since Matt and Crank decided to compare same sex marriage to bank robberies (We’re still scratching our heads on that one), we’ll do an analogy of our own. Matt and Crank claim that no state outlaws gays and lesbians from marrying. Gays and lesbians are free to marry as long as they marry someone of the opposite sex. That certainly means their rights aren’t being infringed upon.
We actually have an example in case law of such warped logic being shot down. Some cities had decided that since we have the right to bear arms, denying the ammunition wouldn’t infringe upon our rights to own a gun. Various courts said no way. It is infringing on the right to own a gun because what good is a gun without the ammo.
Every state that has adopted some form of the DOMA Act into their laws or state constitution has negated two consenting adults’ basic civil rights much like the laws outlawing ammunition negated one’s right to own a gun. What good is marriage if love isn't the foundation?
Listening to Matt and Crank tackle the issue of same sex marriage is akin to eating a Big Mac for dinner instead of a solid square meal. Sure, the Big Mac satisfies the hunger, but it has little nutritional value and leaves a lot of fat hanging around your middle.
To our surprise (ok, not really surprise), we came in on the middle of their gay bashing spree. For some odd reason, Matt and Crank think they are talented in the video-making department. They pass off half-truths and stereotypes in poorly done voices in attempt to further validate their bigotry. Since our schedules have changed and we’ve been unable to record the programming reviewed here, we treat you to Matt and Crank’s own video they boast about on air and is posted on the official WZBH website. Yes, they just can’t treat gays and lesbians with any sort of respect. We view their own video as further proof of their agenda to validate and spread their bigotry as the “truth”.
On Friday, Matt posted on the official Matt and Crank FaceBook page linked through the official WZBH website that about forty years ago, White people were brainwashed into not having kids and now White people will go extinct. Again, he carefully couched his words so as not to say, “White”, but careless enough to say “we’re doing it to ourselves’, so readers know what he is talking about. While we at the Critics Page do not subscribe to the Stormfront mentality of race preservation like Matt does, we do strongly urge Matt and Crank not to have kids. We’re certain God didn’t mean for everyone to reproduce and we’d like to think Matt and Crank top God’s list of people who shouldn’t procreate.
In fact, with Matt and Crank’s incessant pushing of an agenda that White, heterosexual, Christian males should rule the household and world and everyone else should be secondary followers, we’ve come to the conclusion that Matt and Crank should slither back to the other side of the Bay where they came from. Hey, thanks for spending some time over here and spending your money here, but you’ve overstayed your welcome. Heck, we’ll support a Bridge toll ten times higher than the proposed eight bucks if it would help keep unwanted foreigners like Matt and Crank off our peninsula.