Friday, August 22, 2014

Job application for cohost on The Worst Show Ever....

Dear Hiring Manager

Apparently, Crank is the coworker from Hell.  In four years, he has gone through, count 'em, six cohosts.  Yup, six of them: Matt Walsh, JJ, Sarah, Phoebus, Ian McKay, and Leah.  While most good companies would've fired the coworker from Hell, Great Scott Broadcasting promotes Crank to Operations Manager and allows Crank to fly solo, a gig he has failed at more than once.

Us five drunk rednecks are opportunists and one of us needs a job.  Mr. Crowley is willing to take on the employee from Hell and may the best man win.  Please accept Mr. Crowley's résumé as his expressed interest in the position of cohost on The Worst Show Ever. 

Bubba Joe Crowley
Second House Past the Oak Tree
Crowley's Bend, MD 21613
 
Objective:   Git a paycheck.

Edeacation:
                Crowley's High School   1987-1996 
                                * Gradeated ninth grade auto shop
 
 Experience:

                All my life to six months ago   Pa's Farmhand

                Responsbilties:
                                * Plowed fields, fed farm animals, baled harvests.
                                * Left job when DEA claimed Pa grew illegal tobacca and stole the farm from us.
                Achievements:
                                * Tell time by position of the sun.
                                * Spit a tobacca wad twenty feet, knockin a fly clear to the ground.
                                * Tell you the kind of grass jist by chewin the blade (legal grass, not the other kind).
                                * Learned to operate complicated chemistry machines by brewin white lightnin in
                                   Pa's back woods.  (DEA seized this, too.)
                Six months ago to present       Crowley's Corner Auto Shop

                Responsbilities:
                                 * Clean up all the beer cans and cigarette butts throughout the day
                                * Layed off from lack of business.  Folks actually spected us to fix their pickups, not
                                   leave them up on blocks.

                Achievements:
                                * Crush a beer can on my forehead with no visible damage, cept to the can.
                                * Perfected wolf whistle and other communication skills with women.
                                * Learned proper way to mount gun rack in back of a pickup.
Refrences:   Never been outside of Dorchester County.  Everyone else I know is my kin.

Thank you for taking the time to review Mr. Crowley's qualifications.  Based on the current cast of talent at WZBH, he feels he is more than qualified to fill the position and take WZBH to new heights.  He feels confident the next cohost to leave The Worst Show Ever will be Crank - if you choose to hire Mr. Crowley.

We look forward to hearing from you soon.  It is Mr. Crowley's turn to buy the beer so the sooner you can get him on the payroll, the sooner he can start buying the beer he owes the rest of us.

Regards,

Five Drunk Rednecks

3 comments:

  1. Just thought you guys would like to know :)

    http://www.allaccess.com/net-news/archive/story/133636/great-scott-sells-6-full-power-delmarva-stations-2

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for the heads up. No, we did not know of the sale. Was Crank included in the sale? :)

    (Hopefully this will make an easier link to the story for other readers. Who knows with Blogger....)

    www.allaccess.com/net-news/archive/story/133636/great-scott-sells-6-full-power-delmarva-stations-2

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, dang it, apparently you can't make active links in comments.

    ReplyDelete