Crank, aka Andrew Murr, aka Andrew Martin returns after a year absence

It's been a bit over a year, but Crank has returned to the radio.  He's not Crank.  He's not Andrew Murr.  No, he comes to us this time as Andrew Martin.  You can find Andrew Martin, aka Andrew Murr, aka Crank, over on WXCY New Country on 103.7 FM out of Havre de Grace, MD.

Yes, sorry, but the rest of the article is on our new website.

The thieves returned Jason Lee

Two or three months ago, someone stole Jason Lee's job.  I'm not going to name names because it is unknown if an H2A worker from Mexico was hired to change the automated tape or Mr. Automated Programming seized control of Jason's time slot as the super computer secretly directed the development of droids in Chinese factories to help it takeover the world.  The droids haven't shown up on our Walmart shelves yet, so it's probably safe to say Adams Radio Group may have had a role in the theft of Jason Lee's job, if only by hiring the Mexican worker to change tapes, but there's not enough evidence to convict...as of now.

But, yes, you have to go to our new site to finish the article....

Who stole Jason Lee's job?

Short answer - Mr. Automated Programming. 

The face of radio is changing and if you ever thought about becoming a broadcasting star, don't think you are limited to the stations your car radio tunes in.  You can go there and beyond.

While Adams Radio Group continues to make a muskrat's patootie of themselves with their programming decisions, it's time for the real talent with broadcasting dreams on Delmarva to take control and think beyond the radio dial.

Yes, sorry, but you'll have to read the full article on our new website.

Foreigners seized our radio station

When Matt and Crank first aired their particularly offensive show on Aug 19, 2010, there was no doubt in my mind the foreigners needed to go.  Sure, they claimed to be American, but both were from the other side of The Bay and didn't belong here.  They were rude, infantile hypocrites and quite simply weren't worthy enough to slum around with the microbes devouring the abundant chicken manure on the Shore.  Thank God Matt Walsh is long gone from the Delmarva scene.  Wherever that man walks, fungal and mold destruction is bound to flourish.

To finish the article, please see this article in its entirety at our new blog.  Don't worry...it's free and hopefully more entertaining.

Five Drunk Rednecks

Crank's final farewell

As a service to Crank's fans who may not be on FaceBook, we reproduce his farewell as he posted on FaceBook here without comment. 

 

 

 

Related links:

Crank is gone sans apology

Crank is gone sans apology

For long time readers of this page, you know we started it shortly after August 19, 2010 - the day the morning show hosts, Matt and Crank, aired a particularly offensive four-hour show.  First, they attacked gays as mentally diseased perverts, then turned their venom towards Blacks and their welfare sucking habits that help support their crack habits, and finished up with a lesson to women that their place is in the kitchen cooking dinner for their men.

The next day, both defiantly stood by their show, refused to apologize for any of it, and proceeded to denigrate all those who spoke out against their comments.  We started this page to document their - and the station's, in general - bigoted programming.

Matt Walsh was fired within a year, give or take a couple of months, but Crank remained unscathed.  He voluntarily followed his buddy, Matt, over to WGMD, but scurried back to WZBH, tail between his legs, within a month shortly after Matt was fired from that station.

According to Crank's FaceBook page in response to a fan's question about what happened to the morning show, Crank claims he voluntarily left "for greener pastures" that he would announce soon.  The station didn't let him finish out the week that he put notice in for, something he should've known.  His exact words:

 

 

Our only regret with this announcement is Crank (nor Matt nor the station) ever did apologize for Aug 19, 2010.  While WZBH has come a long way in erasing the bigotry that was prevalent in their daily programming, the two biggest culprits in perpetuating negative stereotypes on a daily basis (particularly misogynistic and homophobic stereotypes) never did admit that maybe their carried their brand of "entertainment" a bit too far.

Over the last couple of years, we've seen real talent come and go - and, of course, Matt and now Crank.  While we were sad to see some leave, we'll have a keg party celebrating Crank's departure.  Here's a rundown on the talent that was (as well as Matt and Crank) and what they are all doing now, the best that we can find.

• Crank: Unemployed at least until he makes his announcement of the greener pastures he's moving to.
• Matt:  After being fired from two more radio stations in as many years, now writes exclusively for The Blaze.  His Radical Thoughts Tour failed after a couple of shows, but he still speaks at The Great Homeschool Convention and a couple of other far right, conservative Christian events.  Also trolls Twitter in hopes of gaining his fifteen minutes of fame.
• JJ:  On air weekdays, 10 am - 3 pm at Ocean 98.1 WOCM in Ocean City.
• Captain Blue and Doug McKenzie:  Together again at 103.5 and 106.1 The Vault in Pokomoke City.  They have their own morning show, weekdays 6 am - 10 am.  Their laid back, dry sense of humor will crack you up.
• Ian McKay:  Unless he's Hitman McKay over there with Doug and Captain Blue, he's still MIA.
• Sarah:  On air weekdays, 3 pm - 7 pm at 97.7 Eagle in Milford. 
• Phoebus:  Left radio and is at the World Gym Milsboro.
• Spera:  After a brief stint at AM 1470, WTTR in Westminster, he left radio and is with Country Meadows - Leader Heights, a retirement community in York, PA.
• Tonya:  If anyone knows, please let us know.
• Tyler:  We thought he left WZBH, but now we're not sure. 

With the departure of Crank, this post most likely concludes our broadcasting over here.  You can, however, catch us over at The Five Drunk Rednecks where we talk about a whole lot more than just WZBH.

Editor's Note:
3/26/15 - edited Sarah's current status that had incorrectly stated she worked for 97.5 Cat Country.  Cat Country was here previous position after leaving WZBH.

Related links:
Crank's final farewell

Nothing like being treated to dead air

Wow, 45 minutes, sister station 98.5 Big Classic Rock was dead air save for two, 30-second commercials.  We wanted to know who now owns the Great Scott radio cluster - Adams Radio or Great Scott Broadcasting.  Great Scott Broadcasting still claims ownership, but then again, their website still shows Sarah as a DJ.  Contact information over at WZBH takes you to the Great Scott Broadcasting website.  Big Classic Rock's website still claims to be owned by Great Scott Broadcasting.  Over at Big Classic Rock, there's only one DJ, Adam.  He must be overworked because the operations manager (that's Crank) apparently doesn't give a damn and no one knows who really owns the stations.

And that's why we were treated to 45 minutes of dead air, tonight.  Must be a lot of drunk rednecks running the show....

Related story:
WZBH Sold

WZBH sold

Thanks to an anonymous commenter on another post of ours, we learned Great Scott Broadcasting sold a bulk of its stations, including WZBH.  We don't know what that means for the future of "Delmarva's only rock station" nor for the current on air personalities. 

Back on Aug 19, 2010, Matt and Crank aired a particularly offensive show.  The next day, they dared listeners to "go ahead and call the station" to get them fired.  They weren't going to apologize for what they said.

To date, Matt Walsh got fired within the year because he never apologized.  Crank, as Matt's side kick, remained, but he has yet to apologize for his role in that particularly offensive show.  Because ownership of the station has changed, we will not discontinue our reviews of the morning show with Crank no matter what the show ends up being called.  We're still waiting for an apology from Crank, or Crank's dismissal, regardless of who owns the station.

We do hope the new owners will move WZBH in new directions.  Unfortunately, Adams Radio is based in Minnesota so it will remain to be seen how sensitive they are to local programming, promotion, and needs.  For that reason, we will continue our overall reviews of WZBH.

If any execs at Adams Radio are reading this, please consider one of us five drunk rednecks for a position with your company.  Beer money is getting tight down here and we'd appreciate a job offer.

Better say gooddbye to Tyler while you can

Two of our critics grew up in the Golden Age of Radio, an age when DJs decided what to play on their shows and their shows were just that - creative shows, the auditory equivalent of a TV show.  Rock and Roll ( a phrase coined by none other than a famous DJ, Alan Freed) exploded on the scene and the music's form changed as quickly as new records could be made.  DJs of that bygone era played what they liked and helped form the careers of up and coming rockers as well as their own careers while constantly pushing the broadcasting envelope with the quickly changing style of music. 

DJs who didn't appeal to a national listening audience still helped bands gain local fame and hits.  Strawberry Alarm Clocks, for example, released a song, Barefoot in Baltimore, that made a number one local hit by virtue of DJs from DC to Philadelphia playing the song regularly, even though the song only charted 67 nationally.

By the way songs are chosen for play on radio today, Barefoot in Baltimore would most likely have been a blip across the airwaves and quickly forgotten.  If a DJ really liked the song, he wouldn't get to play it because it would have quickly fallen off the playlist dictated by a program director.     

Meet your DJ of tomorrow

DJs, today, are little more than glorified disc changers.  Very few DJs get to play what they want to play.  Corporate execs do the research to maximize profits and the DJs are handed playlists
that result from all of that research.  The playlists not only tell the DJs what to play, but also how often and in what cycle of rotation.  It's not hard to see how radio stations in the near future could save tons of money by outsourcing the DJ positions to a mix of computer-driven hosting and nationally syndicated shows to give the auditory illusion of being "live" broadcasting.

Oh wait.  WZBH appears to be going the nationally syndicated route already.  They already have Hard Drive and have announced a new show, Sixx Sense, to be airing soon.  It will only be a matter of time before the morning show is replaced by a syndicated show and the rest of the dead air time will be hosted by a computer instead of a live, local person.  (In fact, we dare to say that as the air time is being eaten up by national syndicated shows, Great Scott Broadcasting needs to get off their "support local" high horse.  Using national syndicated shows translates to a loss of local jobs.)

It is really sad to see the developing trend, especially when a DJ like Tyler comes along.

We first mentioned Tyler about a month ago.  Two things about his show impressed us: he talked about the music and the music groups at least three times in an hour and he never felt a need to tell us who he was. 

AC DC still plans to make music after 40 years,
according to the band's official website.

We listened to him a couple of Wednesdays ago.  He relayed a rumor circulating about the group, AC DC, that they may be done as a musical group.  Malcom Young, Tyler explained, returned home, apparently ill, and the band had made a pact a long time ago that if any member could no longer play, AC DC would disband instead of replacing the lost band member or playing without him.  Tyler than asked his listeners to call in with their favorite AC DC song and he would play the song with the most votes in AC DC's honor.

You had to hear the show to appreciate the excitement he generated.  Listeners were calling in and a few even congratulated Tyler for doing such a good job.  Our two critics listening weren't the only ones feeling the excitement Tyler generated.  Heck, our two critics felt compelled to call in their own votes.  Tyler made listening to the radio fun again.

We've listened to Tyler a few more times since that Wednesday and the excitement he creates with his listeners hasn't waned.  His performance is reminiscent of the great DJs of a bygone era.  Too bad he doesn't get to choose his own playlist.  If he could, that would be an added dimension to his show that could probably propel him to legendary status.

You might be wondering, by now, that if Tyler is so good and enjoyable to listen to, why should we be saying goodbye to him while we can?

First, he breaks the mold of WZBH style of programming and the style of programming the operations manager, Crank, thinks radio should be all about.  Since at least 2010, that style has been to find dumbass stories, stories of extreme behavior, or any story well outside of the expected White, Christian, heterosexual male behavior and ridicule the story, ridicule the people involved, and ridicule the stereotyped group of people likely to be starring in such stories. 

The basis of the morning show is to find stories for Crank to ridicule.  There would be no morning show if the dumbass formula were banned.  Crank would be clueless about what to talk about. 

In the morning slot of ten am until three pm, after a song ends, Sarah finds stories and polls to ridicule before flicking the switch to a commercial.  DJs of yesterday, including JJ, Captain Blue, and Doug McKenzie relied on the dumbass story formula as the staple of their show, too.

Tyler comes along and, gasp, shuns the ridicule formula and talks about the music and the groups behind the music.  He doesn't care if you are a friend or foe of anything.  He only cares what your favorite beer or favorite AC DC song is.  He doesn't care about making some sort of social or political statement.  He only cares that his listeners are having fun and feel like they are an important part of his show.  And he cares about making his show all about what radio is supposed to be about - the music and the performers behind the music.

We're fairly sure that Crank, as operations manager, has a lot to say about who stays on air and who doesn't.  Anyone who doesn't follow his formula of programming (that is find things to ridicule), that DJ may as well as start looking for another job.  And if anyone dares to show even an inkling of more talent than Crank has (which means just about anyone who knows how to talk into a mic), they definitely have one foot out the door with the door about to hit them in the ass because he can't get out the door fast enough.  (Ever wonder what happened to Ian?  We have.)

Second, even if we are completely out in left field with our above analysis, there is no disputing Tyler is full of talent.  With a little polishing and experience, he is destined to explode on the radio scene.  Bigger markets, and maybe even satellite radio, are going to steal him in a heartbeat.  We only hope that when he does become a radio star, a feat very difficult for DJs to achieve in today's corporate run radio world, he doesn't forget about his roots here on Delmarva.

If you haven't listened to Tyler, you have to catch his show weekdays, three in the afternoon until seven - only on 93.5, The Beach - Delmarva's only rock station. 

(Don't worry, Crank.  We won't send you a bill for this bit of advertising this time.)

See? We haven't been sleeping on the job

Wow, we can't believe it's been two months since our last review.  Hopefully, we'll make it up to you in this review chocked full of commentary.

WZBH website

C'mon guys, update your dang website.  How are we supposed to know anything about the two new guys or even how to spell their names?  A company that can't keep their website up-to-date is a company that runs a slip shod operation.  Slip shod operations might explain why, on the sister station Big Classic Rock, Alice's show repeatedly gets interrupted mid-song for station identification and definitely explains why Crank not only is still on the air, but is also operations manager.  Really?  Operations manager?  Get operating on your dang website and while you're at it, fix the interruptions going on over at your sister station.  Two of us critics really like Alice's show.

The Worst Show Ever

Since our last, not-so-favorable review, we have learned that the new guy on the morning show is not Phoebus' older brother and his name is Ian McKay.  We didn't like Ian, thinking he was nothing more than Phoebus' older brother.  We're pretty sure we got the tin foil hat description of him right, but the two women in our group were insistent we three guys should give Ian a chance.

See, the two women are infatuated with his laid back, baritone voice.  Quietly sexy as they put it.  Of course us three guys immediately took a dislike to Ian because, well, we're guys who don't have sexy, laid back baritone voices.

Us three guys still don't like Ian, but that's along the same reasoning that the two women don't like Sarah.  Just as Sarah is a threat to them, Ian is a threat to us.  Childish, we know, but that's what beer and wine does to you.

Just as the two women like Sarah when they aren't sipping their wine and are listening to her sober, us three guys are finding Ian to be rather funny, in a laid back sort of way, when we aren't drinking our beer and are listening to him sober.

His greatest talent is making Crank squirm in his seat.  At least twice, Ian managed to challenge Crank's position with simple questions and Crank audibly became agitated.  Crank's voice upped a half pitch higher and his words spoken per minute increased by a third.  Ever hear a Chihuahua bark at some random noise and then when that random noise becomes a threat, the Chihuahua starts barking real fast at a high pitch?  That was Crank's response to Ian.  One could visibly see Crank squirming in his seat.  That's a pretty talented feat for a radio jock to accomplish for his listeners.

We're going to be bold and make a programming suggestion.  Scrap the "friend or foe" segment.  The "friend or foe" segment is a left over from the Matt Walsh days when anything spoken had to be a let's-hate-it or let's-make-fun-of-it style of programming.  Replace the segment with a "make Crank squirm" segment.  Ian and Sarah can start Crank squirming, callers can add to it, and the listener who correctly predicted Crank's word speed and pitch before the segment began would win twenty crazy bucks to Louie's Pawn Shop.

Oh, heck.  The business, cost saving side of us says fire Crank and replace him with a tape of a yapping Chihuahua.  The show would be more entertaining.

Captain Blue

We've always been neutral towards Captain Blue, but he really got to us these last couple of weeks when we listened to more than just a few minutes of his show at a time.  He does a segment called "question of the day" and he tells listeners why his question is the question of the day in a few.  Innocuous enough.  An hour later, we still don't know why its the question of the day.  Then he builds suspense as if he is going to tell you, only to say he'll tell you "after this", which is either a commercial break or another song.

None of us watch reality shows like American Idol or Master Chef  because we can't stand the fake suspense at the end.  You know what we're talking about.  

"...And the person going home tonight is..." and then there's a long pause

"...Stay tuned and find out after the break." 

Captain Blue builds the same fake suspense as the folks over on the reality shows build.  The tactic is not suspenseful nor entertaining.  It is annoying.  Lately, we all have found ourselves switching stations or listening to a CD when Captain Blue comes on.  We do like his food segment at lunch time, but his fake suspense isn't worth suffering through until he gets us to the food segment.

Doug McKenzie

A funny thing happened to two of our critics a couple of times in the past two weeks of listening.  Leaving Crisfield and heading to Pokomoke, Doug would give us a segment equivalent to a dumbass report.  Almost two hours later, leaving Salisbury heading to Cambridge, we heard the same report, almost word-for-word.  Either the Crisfield-Pokomoke-Salisbury triangle is some sort of worm hole that allowed us to listen to Doug's show two hours ahead of time or Doug is reading, almost verbatim, from a script. 

We seriously doubt there is some sort of worm hole or time warp in the area.  Needless to say, we are greatly disappointed in Doug.  We've always held Doug in high regard as a professional.  He still is professional, but, apparently, for only two hours at a time before he has to start repeating himself. 

Tyler?

If someone at Great Scott Broadcasting (specifically the operations manager, remember him?) would do their job and update the WZBH website, we would know for certain who hosts the seven at night time slot. 

A couple of times, we have listened to the first hour and we think the DJ may have said his name was Tyler.  One thing we do know: you probably have a good host when the host doesn't feel a need to tell his listeners who he is.

Tyler, if that is his name, did something we thought was a lost art among DJs - he talked about the music and the music groups.  The first time we listened, he talked about the music three different times in one hour.  If only more DJs, not only at WZBH, but across the radio dial, would follow suit....

None of us really listen to radio past six in the evening, but we all agree Tyler is someone to listen to when we do tune in at night.

Spera

Spera is the DJ after midnight that none of us have listened to.  With the surprise we found in Tyler, perhaps one of us should make it a point to stay up late and listen.  The programming style at WZBH appears to be start the day off with the worst programming and progressively get better as the day wears on.  Tyler's show is the best programming we've heard.  If our observation is correct, Spera should be a star.

On the other hand, he could be the worst, even worse than Crank, since the day technically begins at midnight.

None of us five are so old that we can't stay up past midnight on a work night and listen.  If you have stayed up and listened to Spera's show, please let us know. 

Editor's note

Yes, the Five Drunk Rednecks have been sleeping on the job else they would've known Spera left WZBH last month.  Then again, if the operations manager were doing his job, the WZBH website would have been updated to reflect the program changes.

What is Matt Walsh doing now?

For those who care, or even remember Matt Walsh, Matt announced today that he is leaving radio for good. We first caught wind of this about a month ago, but facts were nonexistent. The program director at WLAP in KY only said his show was being cancelled.

 

Just like when he was fired from WZBH, he has made his leaving sound as if it were voluntary. Three radio stations in as many years - we doubt he left voluntarily. At least this time he admits two things - one, more people read his blog than listened to his radio show (out of a national audience, he has at least 91,000 fans), and, two, he lacks any real life experience, which may account for his lackluster radio performance.

According to Alexa, Matt has a strong fan base of stay-at-home Moms, but is extremely under-represented among males, and males and females with some college or higher education. That strong fan base of stay-at-home Moms will carry him for a decent living as a blogger, but we have to wonder if maybe his tune on working Moms and the feminist movement that fought for equal pay will change. Raising twins is no cheap task and running a blog with a fan base of less than 100,000 doesn't earn one a solid middle class salary. If he and his wife have to make the decision that his wife needs to get a job, I hope he is thankful for the many generations of women who fought for equality in the workplace.

 

Matt is also a speaker at the Great Home School Convention, so blogging isn't his only new career. Public speaking, especially at events supported by his strong fan base of stay-at-home Moms, may be in the offering.

 We know, because he would never tell anyone otherwise, that he won't be freeloading off the unemployment system like all the rest of those freeloaders so we wish him well on his blogging adventure. There's always flipping burgers to help make ends meet while he tries to get his blogging career off the ground.

For those who may have lost touch with Matt you can visit his blog.

 

JJ has left the WZBH stage...

This is what we get for listening to WZBH only once or twice a month - a missed job opportunity.

One of us was going to listen to JJ tonight, but he wasn't on.  Turns out he left WZBH for Ocean 98.1 sometime within the last couple of months or so.  The jury is still out on the replacement show. 

In fact, we're not even sure if the show is hosted by a local DJ or is a nationally syndicated show.  It'd be really sad if WZBH, a station promoting the shop local message, has decided to outsource its departing local DJ's position with a nationally syndicated show instead of hiring local talent to fill the vacated spot.  We mean, it's not like Delmarva has high unemployment in a limited job market or anything, right?  Besides, if WZBH offered a job to a local, unemployed talent, how could the morning show make fun of the unemployed freeloading off of unemployment insurance?

We're probably going to jail

Note to our readers:  The letter below is NOT a review of WZBH programming.  We posted it here for three reasons.  First, the letter is too long to send through the White House contact page, but we did provide them as much of the letter as their character limit allowed with a link to here for them to finish reading the letter.  Second, we hope fans of our critics page will help make this letter go viral just in case the President doesn't really care what five, White rednecks have to say, but would be forced to listen if enough other people made it a concern.  Third, we wanted to show the targets of our normal reviews at WZBH that we're equal opportunity critics.  We don't just pick on WZBH.

Dear President Obama: 

In response to your press conference today regarding the George Zimmerman case, you are correct - we all need to do some soul searching, but not by the side of the coin you implied during your press conference.  Let me suggest the following:

1. The executive branch (that's currently you and your administration) and the legislative branch (that's Congress) have no business sticking their noses in most state issues.  The Zimmerman case was one such issue.  The Justin Carter case in Texas is an example of where the federal government did have reason to voice an opinion on a state issue, but chose not to.  In that case, a teen in Texas posted a sarcastic joke that a Canadian reported to authorities and the Texas teen was promptly arrested and spent five months in jail until just recently when an anonymous benefactor posted bail for him.  He still faces up to ten years for his joke he posted online.  Whenever a complaint from a person in a foreign country can get an American citizen arrested for what he posted on the Internet, that should be of federal concern and should warrant a press conference.  I suppose since Justin Carter is a White boy, his civil rights and free speech rights aren't worth protecting in the eyes of our federal government.  Perhaps you, and every member of Congress, should read the Constitution and learn why you, every member of Congress, and every American, should be concerned, and even outraged, about how easy it is for a citizen of another country to get an American citizen arrested.
2. In light of the fact that Justin Carter, the good ol' White boy from Texas, is facing a possible ten-year jail term for his bad joke authorities have labeled as "terroristic threatening", why did you not talk about the New Black Panthers leader's public and Internet "terroristic threatening" of "declaration of war" against "Whitey's neighborhoods"?  Why are you nor anyone in Congress outraged at the double standard of justice being applied to the New Black Panthers leader that gives him a free pass to threaten in all seriousness, but the teen in Texas gets thrown in jail for posting a bad joke?
3. While most Americans of all races and ethnicities understand the injustices all minorities in this country have suffered throughout our history and the historical basis for racial sensitivities today, one thing we all should have learned is not to make the same racist mistakes our fathers, grandfathers, and great-grandfathers have made, yet you, many in Congress, outspoken community leaders and media personalities are repeating the same mistakes made generations ago.  Let me enumerate those mistakes for you:
1. Whether or not George Zimmerman is a racist, the actions of one person is not reflective of an entire race of people.  Your press conference only confirms to many people that yes, the actions of one is reflective of the attitude of many.  Remember when we were taught that not all Black people eat watermelon and play basketball?  Not all Black people are promiscuous coke addicts?  Not all Black people live off of welfare and foodstamps?  Not all White people are racist or harbor racist attitudes, either.  To imply otherwise, as you did today and many others have been doing everyday since the Zimmerman verdict, is a racist attitude.  Period.
2. To the best of my knowledge, Hispanics in this country never owned slaves, never joined the KKK lynch mobs, nor ever enacted the Jim Crow laws, yet, somehow the actions of an Hispanic-American citizen is generalized to the White-American citizens as an example of the racism that still exists in the this country.  Sorry.  Ask any White person if George Zimmerman is White, and they'll tell you, no, he's Hispanic.  Remember when we were taught that not all Black people look the same?  Apparently, to Black people, anyone who is lighter skinned than themselves is White because all White people look the same.  When you, many in Congress, and many leaders in the media spotlight point to a person of an ethnic minority and imply or claim that person is representative of the racism of White people, that in itself is racism.  Period.
3. When a complaint from a citizen in another country lands an American in jail because he made a tasteless joke, an American who happens to be White, and you, no one in your administration, no one in Congress, and no one in the media spotlight - all who have expressed concern or outrage over the Zimmerman case - expresses concern or outrage over the violation of the teen's civil and free speech rights in Texas, one can only conclude that the silence stems from racism against White Americans.  Either that or you, your administration, members of Congress, and those who are always in the media spotlight don't really care what our Constitution says and what it stands for.  Take your pick.  Either way, you and everyone else standing in concern or outrage over the Zimmerman case end up looking like hypocrites, at best.  Racists, at worst.

Today, you encouraged America, and implied you meant White America, to do some soul searching.  I agree.  You, members of Congress, and the media spotlight grabbers need to do some serious soul searching.  In this country (again, read our Constitution), one is innocent until proven guilty.  The law failed to prove Zimmerman guilty of murder or manslaughter.  For anyone to imply that racism factored into the law's inability to prove guilt is only a reflection of the racist attitudes one holds within him/herself, not a reflection of racism in White America, in general.

Sincerely,

 

A concerned citizen who doesn't want the FBI knocking on his door for expressing his opinion, no matter how poorly done, just like what landed Justin Carter in jail.

Let's bully 'em

The Worst Show Ever put on an interesting show that fired all five of us up.  Crank, apparently, has too much time on his hands.  He started the show out with his review of a reality show on TV called "Living Below Zero", a documentary, of sorts, about new age hippies living in the rough above the Arctic Circle. 

Before we go any further, let's make our stance clear.  There is no such thing as "reality TV".  It is all staged.  Does any sane mind truly believe that people who want to escape the drama of modern life would invite a TV crew to their community to document their daily lives?  Of course not.  The story is made for TV, and idiots buy into it as if it were the real thing. 

The conversation slowly morphed from the new age hippies to "furries", people who dress up, and act like, animals.  Crank even played a quip of a guy who acted like a dog. 

With the two stories involved, all three hosts agreed that weird people would be better served with a "punch in the face" because the weirdoes need to be kept in check.  We shouldn't have to play nice with them and they need to be bullied into behaving in the proper manner because insane is insane.

We couldn't agree more.  Weirdoes need to be bullied into their place. 

But let's put a dose of reality into the conversation, first.  The new age hippies, they are made for TV and are getting paid big bucks for their antics.  Losers, like Crank, are watching the show, which drives advertising dollars, and those new age hippies aren't stupid.  They are getting a healthy slice of those advertising dollars.

The "furriers"?  Heck, none of us ever heard of these people.  Our guess is that some desperate, or maybe mentally unstable people, have gone an extreme route to gain fifteen minutes of fame, and maybe some advertising dollars.  Not one of us five can say that we know, worked with, met, or passed in the Walmart, one of these "furrier" people.  We can say, unequivocally, that any person who claims to "lead a life of an animal" is plain psycho and we don't feel like we're being politically incorrect for stating the fact, despite what the morning crew would like us to believe.  Our conclusion is that losers, like Crank with too much time on his hands, actually discovered this "furrier community" and believed it to be real.

But we do like the idea the morning crew put out that bullying the weirdoes to keep them in check is a good thing.  That is why all five of us agree that every listener should call in to the morning show and ask the coffee girl to deliver a coffee, black, with plenty of sugar and cream on the side.  Lord knows she wouldn't be able to get the cream and sugar just right, so let's be politically correct and ask for the cream and sugar on the side.   

All five of us watched that documentary about the ginger kids.  Cartman had it right.  Ginger kids aren't right in the head.  But let's be politically correct and call in to the morning show and ask if the ginger kid wants some ginger snaps to go with his coffee that the coffee girl brings him every half hour.

For the hairless dwarf, or more aptly termed, hairless troll, let's be as politically correct as we can and ask him if he thinks he ever can achieve a better status of the penises he looks up to every day when he is asked to "look me eye to eye."  

Sorry, five thumbs down (we don't count the extra thumb on one of our reviewers) for this morning's show.  Start out your show with something people can relate to.  There's lots of things listeners can relate to other than the old guy holding up the convenience store line, or a TV show that was nauseating, or a news event that shows how far we have devolved as a country.  Maybe some mornings have a line in the convenience store running faster than one can put his purchase on the counter, a TV show that was particularly entertaining, or a news event that shows how far we have evolved as a society. 

Oh, yeah, we forgot.  Usually only the extreme and the extreme negative generates advertising dollars.  At least, that's what the experts in the industry tell us.

A step backwards in dog poop

Let's see....  In the last two and a half years, WZBH has gone from Matt & Crank; to Crank; to JJ & Crank; to JJ, Crank, & Sarah; to JJ & Sarah; back to JJ, Crank, & Sarah; and now to Crank, Sarah, and some guy.  We don't know who the guy is nor do we care.  (Ok, we do know who he is, but we didn't care about him before The Morning Show, so we won't pretend to care now.)

Out of all their tries, the second try of JJ, Crank, and Sarah was the best.  It even attained a mildly entertaining value despite some blatant hiccups.  At least JJ and Crank acted like a team even if Sarah remained as the token female on the show.  The new lineup is a giant step back landing squarely in dog poop.

Sadly, Sarah retains her token female position.  She's like the classy collie unnoticed by anyone in the room.  Even her own segment, "Tinsel Town Low Down" isn't really hers.  Sarah reads a headline, and a yappy chihuahua, Crank, takes over the story as if he is just full of information.  The bulldog (the other guy we don't care about) tries to push in, but true to a chihuahua's personality, Crank yaps away and dominates as the alpha male. 

The exchanges made each of us say, "Shut the Hell up already."  Can you blame us?  Who likes a yappy dog, especially one who has to throw in at least three umms or uhhs in every yapping sequence?  Something about the squeaky, tenor, almost alto, voice of the chihuahua contrasting with the bulldog's slow, bass voice is, in itself, a comedy act, but it gets old and annoying real fast.

"Yap, yap, umm, yappity yap yap, yap, uhh, yap, yap-yap, yap, umm, yap" followed by "Roof, roof, roof".  Yeah, that's the gist of the show.  Someone throw the collie a milkbone for being  a good little girl and keeping quiet.

The bright side of the new Morning Show?  Given its past record, we should get a new cast of characters in about another four or five months.  Hopefully sooner, not later.

JJ makes the same mistake as Matt

“I don’t care if some guy living in his Mom’s basement puts this on his blog,” JJ defiantly stated as he went on a short rant.  “You know this is going to make his blog.”

Well, no, JJ, your little rant this morning wouldn’t have made our blog, but we’re more than happy to oblige you.

For the last two weeks, I have been writing our next review based on what we all have heard over the last month.  After this morning’s show, the other four critics said I could go ahead and write what I wanted.  I am condensing the two week’s worth of writing I have already done down to three sentences.  What a huge, and enjoyable, improvement in the Worst Show Ever with JJ and Sarah.  Sarah has stopped trying to be “one of the boys” and is developing an engaging on air personality.  JJ has mostly stopped qualifying what he says with the stale “No homo” comment. 

Now to make JJ happy and rip into today’s show.

JJ covered the news like he does every morning.  He apologized for “getting political” before covering the news about Chic-Fil-A.  We’ve noticed JJ has started “apologizing” before talking about some news story, much to our dismay.  We’re still wondering why he apologized today before going into his short rant.

In case you aren’t up to speed on this particular news story, the owners of Chic-Fil-A stated they are against same-sex marriage and the statement, brought to light by an alderman in Chicago on why Chicago should deny Chic-Fil-A a permit to build another restaurant, has caused a mild tempest on the radio and Internet, mostly among the far right conservative Christians.

The gist of JJ’s argument, backed by Sarah, was that the owners of Chic-Fil-A are entitled to hold their own opinions and their personal opinions shouldn’t play a role in whether or not people will eat there.  JJ’s and Sarah’s editorial comments on the news story were spot on and actually shocked the two of us who caught the segment.

The only comment JJ made that we could object to, if we wanted to nit pick, was his comment that gays shouldn’t flaunt their homosexuality because it makes him uncomfortable when another guy tries to hit on him.

Here’s the bad news, JJ.  We’ve all seen your picture and agree that no gay guy in his right mind would hit on you.  If flaunting ones sexual orientation is asking someone out, we suggest you stop flaunting your heterosexuality and making so many woman uncomfortable in your presence.  We’re sure there have been plenty of women who have struggled with how to politely turn your advances down.  If a gay guy has ever approached you, you now know how you make some women feel.

But, honestly, the two of us who caught the show didn’t find his comments offensive, just ironic.  And we applaud both JJ and Sarah for taking an objective, yet firm stand on why we should ignore the lunatics and continue eating at Chic-Fil-A.

Where JJ strayed from thoughtful editorial comment with a twist of irony was his rant about probably making a blog written by some kid living in Mom’s basement and that he didn’t care if he did make the blog.

  Wow.  Flashback to the old days of Matt and Crank when they tried to convince listeners that some social recluse of a geek living in Mom’s basement was behind this blog and they didn’t care either.

In fairness to JJ, he may not have been talking about this blog, but we are unaware of any other blog that regularly reviews the programming on WZBH and particularly the morning show.  If there is one, please let us know.  We’d be interested in reading their take on WZBH’s programming.

If he were talking about this blog, let me set the record straight since I write almost everything on here based on what the other four and I talk about.

There are five of us.  All five of us listen to WZBH.  Like the kids today, we get bored and play with all the electronic toys.  We hear something, we text each other about it.  On Saturday nights, all or some of us show up at the local bar, the only one we have down here, and, while waiting for our turn at the pool table, we talk about what we texted about all week.

The writing falls on me because the other four agree I do a much better job than they could.  None of us are kids or live with their mom.  In fact, I am the second oldest and old enough to be JJ’s father.  The youngest in our loose knit group isn’t old enough to be JJ’s mom, unless she wanted to be the topic of the daily dumbass, but is old enough to be Sarah’s mom.

We are puzzled.  Since we started paying attention to WZBH after Matt’s particularly offensive show on August 19, 2010, we have noticed almost every DJ whining about the average American being more interested in the latest reality TV show than to get off their butts and make a change that matters.  We have done that.  Whether or not this blog has facilitated the many changes at WZBH since that day in August two years ago is immaterial.  What we have shown is expressing one’s opinions at least professionally, if not intelligently, gets people’s attention and may facilitate change.  Why, then, do all the people, fans included, who complain about the average American not caring to make an effort to change something turn around and try their damnedest to make a group of grown adults who are trying to do something to make a change look like some lonely kid living in Mom’s basement?  Some advice, JJ.  Go to Matt’s FaceBook page and ask him how that tactic worked out for him.

As a side note, JJ, the two of us who caught the morning show today called in, but not to talk about your little morning rant.  It’s not the first time any of us five have called in, either.  We’re both annoyed at you calling us “brother.”  We’re not your brother because, if we were, we’d have to kick your ass. 

For fans of this blog, here’s a cliffhanger for you.  In texting this morning, the idea of conducting an unscientific poll on JJ’s sex appeal with gays came up.  We think no gay guy in his right mind would want to ask JJ out.  We want to know if our bold statement is true.  We’re thinking of taking JJ’s picture (and just his picture, not who he is or any information about him) to some gay bars in Baltimore and see what sex appeal he has in the gay community.  If we’re wrong, we’ll retract our statement and apologize to JJ.

Where has everyone gone?

Since our last review, there have been some changes at WZBH, none of which, we believe, were the direct or indirect result of our work here.  The big news is the departure of Crank from WZBH.  He accepted Matt’s old position at WGMD. 

We always held hope for Crank.  He didn’t let his conservative view of the world trap him in a quagmire of contradictions and hypocrisy like so many of his conservative counterparts.  Unfortunately, he played second fiddle to first, Matt, and then JJ.  Briefly, Crank stood alone between Matt’s firing and JJ stepping in, but to our dismay, he flopped around during those couple of weeks like a fish on the moon.  When JJ stepped in, Crank took up the straight man role and let JJ be (or try to be) the comedic star.

We can’t get WGMD here, but one of us had been working in Salisbury and caught parts of Crank, who now goes by his real name, Andrew Murr, in his new gig.  Our other critic’s take: “The fish is done flopping around on the moon.  He’s flopping around Salisbury right now.  At least he’s getting closer to the water.”

In case Andrew Murr is reading this, here’s our constructive criticism we hope you can take something from.  (Yes, we really do want to see you rise to big stardom and believe you can.)

First, stay away from the conservative playbook.  On any given day, whether one is listening to Limbaugh, Hannity, Savage and, yes, even Walsh, they all say the same thing almost verbatim.  We don’t know who writes the conservative playbook all the conservative talk show hosts follow so write your own playbook and stand out from the crowd.

In writing, one is taught to avoid passive writing and write in the active voice.  None of us know the radio business, but we think it’s safe to say the same rule applies to radio.  Listeners don’t want to hear what things seem to be.  They want to hear what things are.  They don’t want to hear what things appear to be or probably are.  They want to hear what things are.  They don’t want to hear what you think.  They want to hear what you know.

The worse advice anyone can give is to tell you to talk to your audience as you would a friend.  Odds are the passive voice is the way you talk to your friends.  Stop using the words “seem”, “appear”, “probably”, and the phrase, “I think”.  A good cook rarely uses salt and when he does, he uses it sparingly.  Think of those words as salt and put the cap back on the shaker when you do your show.

The above advice we offer for free.  People pay good money for that kind of advice.  Oh, and knock it off with that talk about building another bridge from the western Shore to Cambridge. 

With Crank’s absence, JJ has assumed the lead role on WZBH’s morning show, now called The Worse Show Ever With JJ and Sarah.  JJ has undergone a subtle, but noticeable transformation.  He’s dropped the dumb act, one he never pulled off very well to begin with. 

He’s also dropped his homophobic remarks.  Hardly a day goes by, though, that as he is talking about something, he’ll interject “No homo” to clarify to the listeners he is not gay for talking about whatever he’s talking about.  We write that off as his own insecurity in his manhood.  You never here a gay guy talk about a beautiful woman, for example, and feel a need to interject, “No hetero” to make it clear he’s not heterosexual.  That’s because most gays are secure with who they are.  Maybe JJ will be secure with himself some day, too.

Sarah is a token female version of Crank, only more subdued.  To be honest, Darnell’s Mr. Turtle has more personality than Sarah.  Sarah should go home and learn something from Mr. Turtle before returning to the show.

On a closing note, for those who may be interested, an update on Matt Walsh.

Matt left WGMD and is now in Kentucky on WLAP.  Being subject to prejudices and stereotypes like everyone else, our first thoughts were he was where he belonged.  After following his first few weeks in KY on FaceBook, turns out he may not be where he belongs.  The fans of the station are a tougher audience and don’t fall so easily for the empty rhetoric Matt is known for on Delmarva.

Anyone who has listened to Matt long enough knows he’s limited in material.  Don’t vote Republican or Democrat.  Teachers are pedophiles.  We’re doping our children to cure the fictional disease ADD.  Abortion is wrong.  Muslims are evil.  Social programs are a waste of your money.  Immigrants are taking over the country.  And back to don’t vote Republican or Democrat.

Don’t believe us?  About a year or two ago he posted a little clip about passing a stranger every time he went to the ice machine.  That might have been posted around his honeymoon time.  Now he’s in Kentucky and posted it again.  New audience makes old material new again.

But it’s this post by Matt we found most interesting:

Well, Billy, when there's been a certain group that has tried numerous times over 5 years to take away you and your family's livelihood you might, after a while, come to the point where some of these adjectives seem appropriate. Remiind me to tell you some time about how GLAAD told me they were going to send me pamphlets on the "correct" way to discuss "LGBT issues". And then some other time I'll show you the mounds of hate mail and veiled threats I've accumulated over the years for the sin of speaking my mind on the subject. And don't even get me started on all the "tolerant" folks who swore up and down they would do everything in their power to get me fired. So yeah, when I use these words I've got 5 years of experience dealing with this sort of "advocacy" to back it up.

Matt forgot to tell his new Kentucky fans that three years ago, he aired a particularly offensive show aimed towards gays, Blacks, and women.  He failed to tell them that after some fans complained, the next day he defiantly stated he wouldn’t apologize and challenged his listeners who were offended to “go ahead and call the station and try to get him fired.”

No, the story is the militant gays swooped down and tried to take away his livilihood.

Matt validated what we suspected.  While Matt was busy daily ranting against some made up fan living in Mom’s basement for making this page, we were paying attention to who was using the page.  GLADD wasn’t the only organization taking an interest.  At least three other non-gay groups took an interest.  We suspected we were being successful in our endeavor and Matt has validated our suspicion.

As for the accusation of taking “away you and your family’s livelihood”, that’s the nature of public life.  Matt and every other talk show host has made a living off threatening other people’s livelihood by constantly denigrating everything they do and everything they say.  We’ve done nothing differently.

As residents of Delmarva and listeners to the public airwaves, we have just as much right to voice our disagreement on what is being aired as Matt has the right to voice his disagreement with, well, just about anyone who is not White, conservative, Christian, and heterosexual.

Here’s the lessons Matt should’ve learned:

1. Be careful what you challenge your listeners to do.  They just might take you up on it.
2. One earns a lot of respect if he backs up his opinions with facts and tells the whole story, not just the parts he wants others to hear. 
3. Listen to your audience.  Believe it or not, they do have the power to make or break your career.

GLADD and the other three groups would never have heard of Matt Walsh, The Matt and Crank Show, or even Delmarva if only Matt had followed those three rules three years ago.  The big question is will Matt make the same mistakes in Kentucky?

Daily dumbass? Nope, dumbasses of the year.

Out of the five original critics, two of us are left and occasionally tune in.  Overall, we are happy to see WZBH clean up their programming style and the addition of a woman deejay is refreshing.  Then there's the morning show....

JJ is a domesticated version of Matt, but a lot smarter. 

"Smarter?" you might ask.

Yes, smarter.  He plays the part of a goofball who stumbles over words larger than two syllables.  We figure he's either really dumber than an oyster or he's smart enough to play the dumb oyster role to get away with saying just about anything.  Fortunately, he takes fifteen minutes to get to a point and we usually switch stations after two minutes.  Only ocassionaly will we suffer through the full fifteen minutes.

We've been disheartened the last month or so with Crank and JJ's subtle gay slurs and their definition of a real man.  Like we said before, the thirty-something duo are trying to pass themselves off as high school locker room jocks.  They succeed with conveying that image about as well as Madonna pulled of acting like a virgin or Newt Gingrich pulls off being a moral, upstanding conservative.  Crank and JJ would be a Hell of a lot funnier and more entertaining if they acted like the thirty-somethings they are and not the 16-18-year-olds they wish they were.

But that's not why they earned the dumbasses of the year.  They earned the title because of their report on today's daily dumbass.  In case you missed it, today's daily dumbass was some gaming company that launched a promotion of a new game by sending copies into space.  The copies were tagged with a GPS system and the idea was when the games came back to earth, fans could track where they land and get a free copy.

The first copy fell in a protected virgin forest high up in a 150-foot tree.  Fans hacked their way through the protected forest, cutting down many trees along the way and started hacking at the old tree.  They were promptly arrested.  Crank and JJ could not understand why the fans should be arrested for cutting some trees down.  Trees, after all, would grow back so no harm done.

Crank and JJ expressed today's self-centered attitude prevalent among those under forty.  The forest was not only protected, but it was a special forest.  It was a virgin forest.  Very few virgin forests are left in this country.  We all have grown up in the scarred landscape of less than a hundred-years-old and many people probably figure our forests today are what our settlers seen when they first arrived.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

A virgin forest is five hundred, even a thousand-years-old.  It has never been clear cut to the ground and has very few, if any, invasive plants growing in it.  It's as close to what the settlers saw when they first came to this country as we'll ever see.  Cut it down and the invasive plants take over and the forest withers away.  It would take many centuries of careful management to get the forest back to where it has been for the last five or ten centuries. 

Yes, we agree the gaming company is the daily dumbass.  What responsible corporation would send their trash into space to fall wherever it may fall?  The decision makers at the company should be arrested for littering and abetting the destruction of a protected forest.  The fans of the game were rightly arrested.  None should get a slap on the wrist by paying a fine and doing some community service.  All should be hauled off to jail and the key thrown away.

Crank and JJ have cemented their title as dumbasses of the year for defending the fans who valued a game over natural beauty and are well on their way to vying for the dumbasses of the decade.  Competition for that title is stiff, though.    Madonna and Gingrich are giving them a run for their money.

 

JJ is a blonde female

Let's get one thing straight.  The five of us at the Critics Page are in agreement that public personalities who rely on stereotypes to make a point or a joke lack the creativity, mastery of the English language, and intellectual depth to be called anything other than wannabes.  Thankfully, we have noticed a trend with Crank and JJ to move away from using stereotypes in an attempt to be funny or make a point.  There have been a couple of "slip ups" that were more in the gray area of the definition of a stereotype - mostly concerning the notion of a "real man" - but certainly nothing blatantly offensive as was the staple of the old Matt and Crank show.  For that, we thank Crank and JJ and applaud WZBH for making the overall tone of the programming at the station more palatable to a diverse audience.

After listening to the Crank and JJ show the last couple of weeks, we decided to have fun with this review and use stereotypes to drive home the point of why using stereotypes is not only offensive, but can lead to erroneous conclusions. 

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for hours on end?
A: Ask her which came first, the chicken or the egg.

Yes, that's a real joke and perpetuates the myth that blondes, specifically female blondes, are airheads. 

The other day, Crank made a comparison to the daily dumbass who set himself on fire and fell out of his deer blind to his death to the chicken and egg question.  Did the fire kill the man or the fall?

JJ asked, dumbfoundedly, what did the chicken and the egg have to do with the story of the hunter.  For the next five minutes or so, listeners were treated to JJ's inability to comprehend the chicken and egg question as it related to the daily dumbass story because he never heard the chicken and egg question before in his entire life.

There you have it.  Proof JJ is a blonde female.  He only let the question go because a commercial break interrupted him.

Still not convinced?  We know, based on another stereotype, that women take ten minutes to tell a two-minute story.  Listen to JJ give his daily dumbass report.  Today, the two-minute story was about a guy arrested for hitting his girlfriend, who slapped a bottle of pills out of his hands thinking he was trying to commit suicide.  He was trying to commit suicide by overdosing on what he believed were sleeping pills, but the reason he earned the title of daily dumbass was because the bottle of pills he tried to OD on was a bottle of Flinstone vitamins.  Like it would a woman, it took JJ more than five minutes to get to the point that the sleeping pills were Flintstone vitamins.

In fact, two of us at the Critics Page usually never find out who the daily dumbass is and why because we switch stations before JJ gets to the point, much like we tune out our wives when they start telling us a story.  Too many words to say not much of anything.

So there you have it - proof JJ is really a blonde female. 

And, hopefully, a lesson of why no one should rely on stereotypes to make a point or be funny.  We're pretty sure JJ is not a blonde female despite fitting the stale and false stereotype.



Threesome with Oprah and Barbara

We found a new toy. Best of all, it's priced right - FREE! We reviewed the show we're making fun of here, Crank and JJ's debut. Yes, you might have noticed "Coffee Party" as the creator. You got us. We're playing around before launching our next webventure. Periodically, we may still mosey over here to poke some fun at our favorite bigots.