Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary

This morning, the morning crew, particularly Crank, had a shining moment.  We actually thought they had a grasp on what the word, stereotype, meant.  While talking about the Boston Bombing, all three referred to the unknown bomber as a terrorist.  When callers began to make the connection of terrorist to Muslim, Crank made it clear that they were using the term to refer to the violent act and no one should be jumping to conclusions based on stereotypes.  Terrorist did not automatically equate to a "brown skinned person".

Just when we thought that maybe, finally, Crank and team were beginning to understand the word, stereotype, Crank and Phoebus launch into a story of their adventure of trying to find a Mexican store.  To find the store, Crank relied on stereotypes.  He figured a Mexican store would have to be located somewhere along a railroad track so he and Phoebus turned down Railroad Road in Georgetown.  At first, Crank was disappointed, or, more accurately, frustrated, because he was certain his stereotyped view of a Mexican store being located on a railroad track should be true, but none was to be found.  They turned around, and the stereotype "was so obvious", they missed the store on the first pass.

Anyone with a high school education or GED could tell you that where Mexican stores are located is not based on a stereotype, but is based on deductive reasoning.  If, for example, they wanted to find a high-end retail store, like a Neiman Marcus or Saks Fifth Avenue, they would know to look in a big city around the wealthier side of town.  They wouldn't find the store along railroad tracks.

If they wanted to find a middle-range store, like a Walmart or Target - you know, those stores where the poor middle class people shop, but expect to be treated like their wealthier peers on the other side of town - they would know to look outside of the city, on a major thoroughfare, somewhere between the outskirts of the city or town and the suburbs.

If they want to find a locally owned store that caters to everyone else, they'll look where the store's targeted customer base most likely lives.  They probably wouldn't find the big name stores, high-end or middle range, in these areas. 

Through deductive reasoning, a Mexican store is going to cater to the Latino customer base.  They will open a store where there is a concentration of Latinos.  Here, on Delmarva, Latinos tend to be low-skilled, low-paid agriculture workers or shellfish and chicken processing workers.  They can't afford to live in the middle range of town, much less the high end of town.  The Latinos congregate in the poorer sections of town where the poor middle class people think they are too good to live at.  No one wants to live along railroad tracks, so the rent and property values are definitely in the range of the average Latino worker.  It makes sense, then, that the Mexican store will open in the same neighborhood.

Deductive reasoning.  Elementary my dear Watson, elementary.  No stereotyping involved.  Now, if only Crank and team could learn that.

Stereotypes and the one Crank fits

The gang on the morning show still don't get it.  While covering a story of a relatively unnoticed news event of some Blacks being "outraged" over a comment made by someone that Black people are funnier than White people, Phoebus asked how could a positive comment be a stereotype. 

Long story short, since we've been answering this question for over two years now: there is no such thing as a positive stereotype.  Enough said.

Phoebus then went on to make an offhand comment that if they were to use a stereotype to be funny, they'd get fired.  To that, we say, "Good!" 

Again, as we've explained over the last couple of years, using stereotypes show a lack of creativity and original thinking.  It is relying on clichés to entertain or make a point. 

If WZBH were to fire them for using stereotypes - instead of complaining about the policy, they should be thanking their bosses for pushing them to be creative without relying on clichés, or stereotypes.

Of course, we know they won't get fired.  Later in the day, a clip from their show aired as a promo.  Crank talked about Phoebus' "gay card" or something equally bland.  Crank equated bright, neon pink that glows in the dark to being gay.  Hey, we give Crank credit.  He double-layered stereotypes with his comment.  Gay men are not real men (gay stereotype) so the color has to be neon pink (gender stereotype).

Was Crank's comment funny?  Of course not.  A ten-year-old could've come up with the quip.  Funny how we, as listeners, kind of expect to hear something that we haven't already heard in grade school a few decades ago.  Yes, Crank, you're entertaining adults, not grade schoolers.  Drop the stereotypes from your repotoire and at least try to be funny. 

To the faithful listeners of rock music, remember, Aerosmith's favorite color is pink and we really doubt any of those guys are gay, despite the long hair, earrings, neon colored spandex, and a colorful bandana tied to the microphone. 

For those who want to hold on to the mistaken belief that stereotypes have at least a kernel of truth to them, here's our favorite.  In the gay leather world, there are bears and cubs.  Cubs are younger men, usually under forty, who are short, small in stature, bald, mustachioed or bearded, and wear at least jeans, tee shirt (preferably black), and boots.  If you don't know what Crank looks like, wander over to the WZBH website and take a look at his pic.  Then click on the Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend website and look at Bryce Cain, winner of the 2013 Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather contest.  (We think the runner up on the left is what Crank will look like in another fifteen years.)

Now you be the judge: based on the stereotype, wouldn't Crank make the perfect Mr. Leather?  C'mon Crank.  You are what gay leathermen look like and it's ok to come out of the closet now.

Sylvester, the ailing cat

The verdict is in.  Phoebus is a bland, predictable, no-talent.  When he was solo at night, we suspected as much, and often wondered what his Sylvester, the ailing cat voice was all about.  Now that he is on the morning show, we don't have to wonder any more. 

Friday morning, he did (not performed, because performed implies talent) a skit titled "50 Shades of Gay", supposedly a parody of a popular novel, "50 Shades of Gray".  Quick, if you didn't hear the sketch, what do you think Phoebus did? 

If you guessed a lispy, stereotyped "gay voice" that substituted adolescent euphemisms for certain body parts in describing a sex scene between two men, you would be almost right.  The "gay voice" was more like an ailing Sylvester the Cat done in different octaves to signal different characters than it was a "gay voice".   

We need to talk about what a "gay voice" is.  Simply put, it is an effeminate-sounding, lispy voice used by comedians over forty years ago, when gays first started "coming out", to make fun of gay people and strengthen the belief that gay men are not real men.  Sure, some men, both straight and gay, have a "gay voice".  Most men, and most gay men, do not have that voice.  But that fact doesn't stop comedian wannabes today from using the "gay voice" to signal a gay character, even if they don't mean it to be offensive, as it was meant to be when used over forty years ago. 

Comedians who rely on stereotypes to be funny walk a very thin line between being funny and being offensive, especially if the comedian doesn't belong to the group of people he is making fun of.  It can be done, but obviously not by Phoebus.   

Andy Dick's Gay Barbie Song is an example of a funny parody.  He uses a "gay voice" to poke fun at his jealousy over an American pop icon, Barbie and Ken.  One could over-analyze the song and deem it offensive, but when one first hears the song, one can't help but laugh.  The humor is unexpected and pokes fun at the fakeness of Barbie's world compared to the real world.  Who couldn't laugh at the line, "I guess Ken likes boobs made of fake parts"?  Andy Dick (and, yes, we catch the pun of his last name) uses the "gay voice" to poke fun at Barbie's world, not to make fun of gay people. 

Along comes Phoebus and tries a parody that pokes fun at what?  Who knows?  The unimaginative title of the skit, "50 Shades of Gay" falls flat and tells the listener the skit is probably intended to make fun of gay people.  Unfortunately, his "gay voice" is not a "gay voice" at all, but a voice of Sylvester the Cat with the flu.  He proceeds to read an excerpt from the book, "50 Shades of Gray", substituting stale euphemisms, like steak sandwich, for certain body parts and different octaves of his ailing Sylvester the Cat voice to signal different characters.  The question remains: what the Hell was he poking fun at?  We don't know. 

He certainly wasn't making fun of the book, "50 Shades of Gray".  We doubt he even read the book to know what to poke fun at, and we're pretty sure he is aware that his audience, the average WZBH listener, not only hasn't read the book, but only has a vague idea what the book is about.  "50 Shades of Gray" is not a Barbie and Ken type pop icon everyone is familiar with. 

He couldn't be making fun of gay people because he simply read an excerpt from a book.  He must've been making fun of Sylvester the Cat and adolescents who still think "steak sandwich" is a funny euphemism.  After several beers, that is the only explanation we could come up with. 

Given WZBH's past record of gay bashing (remember the real man quips?), the station would be best to leave the gay jokes and parodies to the professionals on other stations who can tastefully pull it off.  Phoebus (as well as Crank and JJ) need to lose their fascination with everything gay.  It's getting as old and stale as Phoebus' latest skit.

Getting the facts wrong - again

Crank is proof God stuffs oversized egos in little packages.  Crank is upset, or maybe more accurately, irritated, by or last review.  Crank and Phoebus spent a few minutes reviewing our comments, but, like most anything they have to comment on, Crank's version is high on egocentricity and low on facts.  We'd like to set the record straight.

- The Critics page is not a "hater page".  How can one hate something that has given them so much amusement over the last couple of years?

- We don't have it "in" for Crank.  After a particularly offensive show back in Aug 2010, Crank's then co-host Matt Walsh issued a challenge to all listeners complaining about the content of the show to go ahead and call the station and try to get them fired.  We took Matt and Crank up on the challenge.  We've been having fun ever since.

- Despite Crank's claim made to a caller, Crank, nor anyone from WZBH or Great Scott Broadcasting, ever contacted us about appearing on the show.  For the record, we're not interested in fifteen minutes of fame (or infamy) anyway.

- Our review that Crank takes offence to has nothing to do with our belief (or lack of belief) that people don't or shouldn't judge other people.  The review has everything to do with Crank's claim that they get paid to judge people.  We like to think Great Scott Broadcasting pays the morning crew to entertain people, not judge them.

Here's the low down.  Crank is like a little chihuahua.  When a chihuahua starts its yapping, most everyone has a flash of drop-kicking the yapper through the goal posts, but they don't drop-kick the little thing because, somehow, that little yapper has endeared himself.  Crank is no different.  No, we're not trying to get him fired and we're not picking on him.  When he starts yapping, we start writing.  Writing is more humane than drop-kicking.

For the most part, we catch the morning show once, maybe twice a week, which is why our latest reviews center on the morning show.  Our verdict is still out on Phoebus.  We like him because he plays Devil's advocate with Crank and we haven't heard Phoebus impersonate an ailing, Sylvester the Cat lately, but we still don't know what to make of him.  We wish Sarah would have her own show instead of playing the coffee girl.  We vow to listen to Lights Out with JJ one of these nights, maybe.  One member of our group can listen to JJ for about two minutes and his review would be one sentence: JJ's an idiot.  The rest of us might be able to expand on that.  We have caught Captain Blue, but how does one write a review on a funny, professional DJ?  He's good at what he does, much like Doug McKenzie is good, too.  Reviews of these two would be a boring read.  Hmmm, that could be a challenge, though.  Believe it or not, criticizing is easy.  Praising is a lot harder.  Maybe we do need to challenge ourselves.

Crank makes a startling revelation

Crank made a startling revelation on this morning's show that was an eye opener for us.  We've been operating on the premise that morning show hosts get paid to entertain their listeners.  According to Crank, they get paid to judge people.  The only people we know who are paid to judge people are judges, and they have strict laws to abide by to pass judgement.  We've said it as far back as the Matt and Crank days and we'll say it again: Crank needs to go home to the Western Shore.  We think it would serve WZBH well to hire a morning show host who thinks his/her job is to entertain people, not judge them.

Shocking, utterly shocking!

The two of the five of us who listened to The Worst Show Ever, this morning, were shocked - not once, but twice.  First, when talking about Manti Te, they questioned why the NFL should need to know Te's sexual orientation because it is illegal to ask a prospective employee any personal question, including their sexual orientation.  Crank, Sarah, and the guy we don't care about (ok, Phoebus - we're starting to care) all agreed the NFL had to be breaking laws wanting to know Te's sexual orientation and supported Te's right to play football regardless of his sexual orientation.

In a later segment, they asked listeners what they thought of Million Mom's call for a boycott of Geico for promoting beastiality.  In prefacing the story, they mentioned Million Mom's other boycotts, including Ellen DeGenres for being lesbian.  Again, all three stepped up to the plate and dismissed the past boycotts and Phoebus went so far as to mildly scold the "homophobes".  Yes, he used the "H" word.

Considering WZBH's, and particularly the Morning Show's, past record of discussing gay topics, we never expected to see a 360-degree turn around in attitudes towards gays and lesbians.  As long as the trend at WZBH is to portray gays and lesbians in a positive, and respectful, manner and continues on a regular basis, the occasional gay joke could be entertaining, or simply in bad taste and not funny.

A step backwards in dog poop

Let's see....  In the last two and a half years, WZBH has gone from Matt & Crank; to Crank; to JJ & Crank; to JJ, Crank, & Sarah; to JJ & Sarah; back to JJ, Crank, & Sarah; and now to Crank, Sarah, and some guy.  We don't know who the guy is nor do we care.  (Ok, we do know who he is, but we didn't care about him before The Morning Show, so we won't pretend to care now.)

Out of all their tries, the second try of JJ, Crank, and Sarah was the best.  It even attained a mildly entertaining value despite some blatant hiccups.  At least JJ and Crank acted like a team even if Sarah remained as the token female on the show.  The new lineup is a giant step back landing squarely in dog poop.

Sadly, Sarah retains her token female position.  She's like the classy collie unnoticed by anyone in the room.  Even her own segment, "Tinsel Town Low Down" isn't really hers.  Sarah reads a headline, and a yappy chihuahua, Crank, takes over the story as if he is just full of information.  The bulldog (the other guy we don't care about) tries to push in, but true to a chihuahua's personality, Crank yaps away and dominates as the alpha male. 

The exchanges made each of us say, "Shut the Hell up already."  Can you blame us?  Who likes a yappy dog, especially one who has to throw in at least three umms or uhhs in every yapping sequence?  Something about the squeaky, tenor, almost alto, voice of the chihuahua contrasting with the bulldog's slow, bass voice is, in itself, a comedy act, but it gets old and annoying real fast.

"Yap, yap, umm, yappity yap yap, yap, uhh, yap, yap-yap, yap, umm, yap" followed by "Roof, roof, roof".  Yeah, that's the gist of the show.  Someone throw the collie a milkbone for being  a good little girl and keeping quiet.

The bright side of the new Morning Show?  Given its past record, we should get a new cast of characters in about another four or five months.  Hopefully sooner, not later.