From the days of Matt Walsh until present, whenever Crank wanted to "win" a point in a debate or wanted to justify his "open mindedness", he would point to his Portuguese wife and say, "I'm not racist. I married a foreign woman!"
Who's whiter? We say the baby, followed by Maria, with Crank lagging behind a shade and a half darker as the unshaven, dumbass redneck.
You know, we really get upset when foreigners weasel their way into this country. Ok, Maria, you were blinded by love and you married Crank to get him legalized on Delmarva as a citizen, but we have 500 pcs of gold if you send his ass back to that foreign country on the other side of the Susquehanna. We'll double that offer if you take him down to Wallops Island on the next rocket launch and send him on his merry way.
Hey, Crank, even though we don't believe you belong on Delmarva, congrats on the new addition to your family. Our only question is why did you feel it necessary to flaunt your heterosexuality in such a public way?