JJ is a domesticated version of Matt, but a lot smarter.
"Smarter?" you might ask.
Yes, smarter. He plays the part of a goofball who stumbles over words larger than two syllables. We figure he's either really dumber than an oyster or he's smart enough to play the dumb oyster role to get away with saying just about anything. Fortunately, he takes fifteen minutes to get to a point and we usually switch stations after two minutes. Only ocassionaly will we suffer through the full fifteen minutes.
We've been disheartened the last month or so with Crank and JJ's subtle gay slurs and their definition of a real man. Like we said before, the thirty-something duo are trying to pass themselves off as high school locker room jocks. They succeed with conveying that image about as well as Madonna pulled of acting like a virgin or Newt Gingrich pulls off being a moral, upstanding conservative. Crank and JJ would be a Hell of a lot funnier and more entertaining if they acted like the thirty-somethings they are and not the 16-18-year-olds they wish they were.
But that's not why they earned the dumbasses of the year. They earned the title because of their report on today's daily dumbass. In case you missed it, today's daily dumbass was some gaming company that launched a promotion of a new game by sending copies into space. The copies were tagged with a GPS system and the idea was when the games came back to earth, fans could track where they land and get a free copy.
The first copy fell in a protected virgin forest high up in a 150-foot tree. Fans hacked their way through the protected forest, cutting down many trees along the way and started hacking at the old tree. They were promptly arrested. Crank and JJ could not understand why the fans should be arrested for cutting some trees down. Trees, after all, would grow back so no harm done.
Crank and JJ expressed today's self-centered attitude prevalent among those under forty. The forest was not only protected, but it was a special forest. It was a virgin forest. Very few virgin forests are left in this country. We all have grown up in the scarred landscape of less than a hundred-years-old and many people probably figure our forests today are what our settlers seen when they first arrived. Nothing could be further from the truth.
A virgin forest is five hundred, even a thousand-years-old. It has never been clear cut to the ground and has very few, if any, invasive plants growing in it. It's as close to what the settlers saw when they first came to this country as we'll ever see. Cut it down and the invasive plants take over and the forest withers away. It would take many centuries of careful management to get the forest back to where it has been for the last five or ten centuries.
Yes, we agree the gaming company is the daily dumbass. What responsible corporation would send their trash into space to fall wherever it may fall? The decision makers at the company should be arrested for littering and abetting the destruction of a protected forest. The fans of the game were rightly arrested. None should get a slap on the wrist by paying a fine and doing some community service. All should be hauled off to jail and the key thrown away.
Crank and JJ have cemented their title as dumbasses of the year for defending the fans who valued a game over natural beauty and are well on their way to vying for the dumbasses of the decade. Competition for that title is stiff, though. Madonna and Gingrich are giving them a run for their money.
